Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just had sex bonerless
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize