I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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