yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
