New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
