Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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