see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
