So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I need to sanitize my soul.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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