apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
