Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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