I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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