I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
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