Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
