and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Randomize
