My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize