I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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