I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
