Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
