The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
