she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
