I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
