Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
