I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
