he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Im part way to drunk.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
