its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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