I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
