You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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