Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
