too bad you live with your parents still
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
