her vagina looked like bernie madoff
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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