how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
do herpes really smell.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
