thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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