It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
