My first STD was from a foam party
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize