Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize