Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
