what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
