i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
