I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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