last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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