after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
