If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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