I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
