Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
