"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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