Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
