If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she peed on how many people?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
