could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
