I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
