I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
