We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
the raccoons are back...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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