I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
