it glows. i had to have it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
