Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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