I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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