if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
