yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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