does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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