Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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