I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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