Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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