Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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