and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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