He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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